Pretty girls can come and go in your life, but it’s the ones who make the best teammates are the ones worth keeping.

Girls were meant to be the more physically appealing and emotionally open gender in order to attract you and keep you line.  If you have wrongful intentions with us, we will use the same qualities that attracted you to hurt you.

Bottom line is, the girl who hates girls is in total denial of who she is.  She’s letting the opposite of female behavior to define her identity.  You don’t want to date this type of girl because she’s on the delayed train to dramaland.

We learned that you should not date recently divorced women ’cause they’re fat.  Give them sometime to shrink back to their normal size first.

Strippers have gas too and sometimes they can’t hold it in when they’re on stage.

Don’t apologize for your floppy penis, it makes you seem pathetic.  What you should do is offer an explanation to the girl.

So there you have it, my 3 Wives Theory.  I say save yourself the energy and money and just skip right to your 3rd wife by getting married in your 40′s.

GOOD FOREPLAY => WETTER PUSSY => DEEPER PENETRATION => MAKES US THRUST HARDER => TIRES US OUT => WE FALL ASLEEP FASTER => LESS CHANCE OF “WHAT ARE WE?” CONVERSATION TO HAPPEN.  YOU WIN!

You were in the comfort of the same vagina for the past X years and now you’re dropped off into this strange land of new hoohas where you have to fend for yourself.  You are a Born Again Dater.

Manscaping MUSTS: get rid of uni-brow (tweezing is easiest), wax long back and butt hairs (no negotiating there), trim pubic hair (doesn’t need to be shaved, but should be less jungle-like).